How to talk to children and build trust with them

Are you a parent who feels your child doesn’t listen to you and is wondering how to talk to your child? Do you think there is a barrier between you and them that keeps them from opening to you? Can you build a better relationship because you want them to trust you?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, continue reading to find a solution to these problems. Explain three tips for gaining your child’s trust and help your child talk more openly with you.

How to Talk to Your Child: Three Keys to Building Trust with Your Child

These are tips to help you talk to your child and have a better relationship with them.

1. Direct your attention to them

Paying close attention to children may seem like a logical and easy solution to building communication and trust. However, there is a high level of distraction in our culture today (most distracted is mobile phones), making it increasingly difficult to pay close attention.

Studies reported in the article Distracting charm of smartphonesIt has been shown that having a cell phone in sight creates a mental distraction for people, even when not in use. In order to convey our utmost care, we need to hide and not care about mobile phones and other distractions.

Ride their level

When talking to young children, it is important to reach their level both physically and figuratively.

When talking to a 2-year-old child, face-to-face at the same eye level and crouch at that level. Next, use words that a two-year-old can understand. Do not use big words or analogies that they do not understand. Use basic language that is appropriate for your child’s age and intelligence.

Make eye contact

Eye contact is a very powerful form of nonverbal communication. We communicate a lot with our eyes and face without saying a word.

If we stand on a child, it makes eye contact farther and more distant. Bending down at the child’s level or sitting in a chair to fit your height is a good way to make eye contact at the child’s level.

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Eye contact tells your child that you care enough to pay attention to them. You tell this by looking in their eyes and not being distracted by anything else. This builds trust in the relationship when they know what you care about and strive to communicate at their level with eye contact.

Use their name

In the article The power to use someone’s nameIt was stated,

“When we say a person’s name, we tell people how important they are to us.”

There is power in using someone’s name. It establishes connections and informs people that we are interested in them. It tells us that they are important to us. Using the child’s name when talking to them helps build trust because it shows them that they are important.

Use reflection after listening

Active listening includes everything mentioned earlier. Eye contact, raising the level, and paying close attention are all important actions that show your child that you can trust them because they care about what they have to say.

Taking communication to the next level involves looking back at what they are saying to you.

For example, if your child quarrels with a friend during breaks and feels sad, “I’m sorry I had a tough day. I had a discussion with my friend.” You understand what they said. It simply reflects what they said to let them know that they were doing it.

Reflect their feelings

Reflecting their feelings is very helpful. This shows that you are empathetic and understand what they have experienced.

If you don’t say what they’re feeling, you can always follow up on the question “How did it make you feel?” That way, you can look back on the emotions they express and admit that you understand their emotions. This helps to verify their feelings.

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2. Use warmth and empathy

Attention to our children is wonderful. But if the interaction feels cold and distant, then trust and a positive relationship have not been built. When interacting with children, you need to strive to use warmth, compassion, and empathy.

This sounds like an easy thing. But when our lives are very busy and stressful, we can have less than warm interactions by default. To build a relationship of trust, you need to spend time and effort talking to your children in a way that conveys warmth and empathy.

Empathy is essential

If we want a healthy relationship with our children and gain their trust, we must show empathy for them. Empathy is simply the ability to see the other person’s point of view. In essence, as the old saying goes, it’s about putting yourself in their place.

For example, if your child is back from school and is in a bad mood, moody, or moody behavior, take the time to be seriously interested and ask about the day. Ask them what happened and made them feel this way, and let them know that they would like to help them if possible. Ask them to explain it so that you can help them understand their life and what they are experiencing at school.

When you are willing to put yourself in the position of a child (looking at things from their point of view), you are telling them that they are not important enough to guarantee your time, effort, and energy. .. It can also tell you that you simply don’t care about their point of view, and that your point of view is the only thing that matters. This can severely disrupt the parent-child relationship.

Model empathy

A child who models good empathy can develop empathy better. If we want to raise our children and care for others and the world around us, we must teach them empathy. One of the most influential ways to teach children empathy is to use modeling. The way you model and treat empathy affects your ability to learn empathy.

3. Stay consistent

It is important to be consistent and fair when you are raising a child. Children know what to expect and thrive in an environment where routines are well established.

For example, after establishing a household reward system, if you decide on a day when you don’t want to make a payment (without good reason), this will send a mixed message to your child. They may be sending a message that their efforts have not been appreciated or that they are not worth the reward.

If you say you’re going to do something, you have to stick to your words. It’s consistency and it also makes you a reliable adult in their lives.

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Consistency and daily life can greatly help your child feel at ease. Home security helps them feel that they can trust you.

Make the result fair

One way to destroy a good relationship with a child is to make the child feel defeated. If the consequences of doing something wrong are too bad, they will be afraid and distrustful of you.

For example, if a child retrieves a cookie from a cookie jar without permission and this single breach deprives the technology of privileges for a month, the child may find the result unfair. This leads to the child’s resentment towards the parent due to lack of fairness.

Determine fair and rational results. Make sure the rules are also reasonable and fair. This can keep the child away from you, as they perceive you as unfair, not on their side, if you are overly strict.

Providing options and choices

When we raise children, our goal is to create an independent human being. But that doesn’t happen overnight. It happens through the opportunity to allow the child to make decisions independently.

Of course, decisions should be made within the parent’s rule structure, depending on age. For example, whether a child drinks juice or milk for a midnight snack (for toddlers), goes to a concert with his family, or makes money with a babysitter for his neighbor on Friday night (teens).

We can create opportunities for independence by providing children with choices and choices. This allows the child to feel that you trust in your own decisions. Love and Logic parenting methods use decision-making models that can include discussions of potential outcomes. An example of how this works can be found in the article Leading Children to Solve Their Problems.

Avoid harsh threats and harsh words

It’s not a good idea to give a child a verbal threat, and he doesn’t use harsh words. Both of these create distrust in the relationship. If you tell your kids that they are stupid or terrible, how can they trust you?

If the threat of punishment is severe and unrealistic, it is also detrimental to building trust. For example, telling a child that he or she can live on the street does not help build a relationship of trust unless the child is more thankful. They may start to feel undesired in their home or may be kicked out at any time. It creates anxiety and distrust in relationships.

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Be comprehensive

Adults should always have a conscientious understanding of whether or not they include children. For example, if you have three children and you only take two to ice cream, you feel that the third child is excluded. Parents should especially note that children are less likely to be excluded or treated than any other child in the family. Efforts to include all children equally will help build a credible family relationship.


Everyone wants to feel accepted. We are all different. The two are not exactly the same. We need to remember this with our children. They are not us. They are different from us and have their own views, ideas and ways of life. We must be willing to accept that children are different from us and we love them.

When you let your child know that you accept them, the differences, and everything, you build trust in your relationship with them. Accepting them means not criticizing those differences (unless, of course, violates the legal, moral, or ethical standards that you are raising a child).

For example, if your son is passionate about learning to play the violin and you are playing soccer and not interested in music, showing this child that you are accepting their interests is Helps you gain confidence in your relationship. By setting up lessons to learn the violin and respecting your interest in this activity, you can further increase your trust in the relationship.

Building trust for all ages

Many of the same factors are involved in building trust with people of all ages. It makes the person feel understood, included, accepted, and their emotions verified.

Whether we are 3 or 60, we all feel that we are trusted and want a relationship that we can trust. A relationship of trust that includes good communication skills, includes both parties, and makes them feel accepted, understood, and desired helps each individual to thrive in the relationship.

Featured Photo Credits: Gabe Pierce via How to talk to children and build trust with them

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